To be frank, I am not at all close to Lao Ma because of many reasons within their family that makes it real complicated.
As a child, we only follow the norms and instructions given by the parents.
I have never once visited Lao Ma during occasions like chinese new year, her birthday or what so ever.
When I was much younger, I don't even know I have a Lao Ma.
Good to show how distant we were.
The one I'm talking about is my paternal side Lao Ma.
Mummy mentioned before that maternal side Lao Ma left us the very moment when I was born.
To be honest, I felt nothing for Lao Ma's loss.
It's more of like hating the sights of funeral because it will remind me of so many unhappiness that I wished someone could just throw an iron mould over my head so that I could have memory loss.
It's more of like knowing the fact that sudden deaths can happen and makes me wanna think what can I do to make my loved ones happier.
It's more of a trigger to think about what if one day, my really closed and loved ones were to leave me out of the blue?
Gonna attend Lao Ma's wake tonight.
Still remembered the last time I saw her was at grandma's funeral that night.
That very night when their family came and wheeled the frail and petite Lao Ma in the wheelchair.
She couldn't recognize anyone, she won't talk to you because she simply don't know you.
But the moment when they wheeled her and helped her up to see grandma who was lying stiff in the coffin, Lao Ma looked at her and tears rolled down her cheek.
As much as she couldn't recognize anyone anymore, somewhere somehow, she still remembers grandma.
That very night when I was moved, that very night when thoughts start to flash through and made me ponder the many things I have never thought of.
Goodbye Lao Ma.
It was an affinity that we have had a relationship.
Though we may be distant, I just hope the best for you in your new world now.
May you rest in peace and find your way to grandma who has always wanted to see you till her last breath.
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