The Dark Calling Out to You.

Years have passed, time have moved on further than you realised. 

People have changed, things are no longer the same. 

The ones whom you are missing, may never have once thought about you. 

The ones who have left you behind, are now happier than who they once were, as if rejoicing the fact that you were once such a heavy burden. 

They lied. Because time don't heal. Time only lessen those pains and make one forget. 

But when the night falls and you're all alone again, those flashes of past come back like nightmares that leave you in cold sweat, in fear, in pain. 

The fact is you know what has passed should not be held on to.
You know that no matter how much you are reminiscing over certain moments, you know they will never be the same and no one involved will ever come back.

What's broken can never be mend.
Why do people of the past have to make a footprint ?
If you have left long ago, why did you not bring ur presence together with you?
Even though it was years thereafter, the sudden footprints passed by with the collection of the hurts from the same old wounds.
Why do they not heal?
Why do they still hurt as much as how it was right from the start?
What must be done to make you all go away?

"It's okay to look back, but never hold back" 

人生之旅。

什么幸福之旅我不懂。　
提到人生之旅却让我感触良多。　

所谓快乐是什么？　
其实，人要快乐很简单。　
他们说只要你找到你喜欢的人，做你喜欢做的事，自然而然的，　你就会很快乐。
可是，有多少人能够真正的和心爱的人在一起？　
多少人能够真的做自己想要做的事？

人来人往，　多少你以为会一辈子呆在你身边的人，却半途中走了。　
连解释也没有，就这样一了百了，好聚好散。　
多少你以为是你想要做的，　却无意中发现你无能为力，　又或者根本不适合你。　

没错，　人生短暂。　
所以我们不该去在意别人一时无理的举动，　或去理会周围人的批评。　
可是有时你也无法不去在意一些事，　一些人。　
因为他们曾经是你生活中的一部分。　

有的时候，　你认为你做对了一些事，　但在别人的眼里却是错的。　
有的时候，　你以为你应该为你的一举一动，　所作所为而感到骄傲，　但总会有那么一些复杂的感触。　

如果当初你不确定， 就不要随意说可以。
如果不是真实的想法， 就不要直接答应， 让对方抱着希望。
因为一旦这样， 希望会从一人传到另一人， 到了最后， 做不到的时候，　要如何解释？　

有时想着想着，　觉得，　算了。　
反正我的心情永远不被在乎，　我的感受也只不过是多余的。　
只好这样，　把多余的感触收好，　埋伏在触碰不到的心底。　

这样好吗？这样对吗？
每天不断的寻找想要的答案， 却感觉永远也不会找到答案。
可能有些问号是注定要成为一辈子的谜题吧。

真心算什么？

因为我从来都不会说好听的话。
因为一点也不会拍人马匹， 所以不会说你想要听的话。
喜欢就喜欢，　不喜欢也会表现得很不喜欢。
一直以来， 都太坦诚， 太讨厌虚伪， 所以一点也不喜欢和虚伪的人相处。
只要觉得是如此， 就会直接把心里话说出来，
即使会伤害到别人还是想说对他们坦诚是为了他们好。
不是每个人都会用诚心对待你，
只有在乎的人才会和你坦白。

可是原来我错了。
坦诚不会让他们学会什么， 只会让他们觉得你是残酷无情的。
在这世上虚伪的人太多了， 坦诚算什么？
最终胜利得逞的， 不会是坦诚的人而是虚情假意的人。
因为他们懂得何时用虚伪来换取别人对他们的信任。
因为伪装得太好， 所以不是每个人都能看得出他们的虚伪。
你说，到底什么是 - 用真心对待人？

This Time, It Is For Real.

How many times have your words pricked and pierced right through my heart ? 

How many times you have shown your true feelings towards someone so dear like me ? 

How many times you have tried to make me feeling like i'm the worst person on earth ? 

And how many times have you really bother to understand me? 

不说， 你就把一切当理所当然，
不说， 你就以为我没有感受，
不说， 就代表不在乎， 不痛了吗？

一直以来，　坚强的活着到底是为了什么，　为了谁？　
每当有事发生，　我总是一个人，一个人承受一切，　一个人解决，　
一个人的让你以为我一点也不疲惫，　一点也不悲伤。　
在别人面前总是表现得不在乎，　
却让你以为我内心真的很坚强。　

不说是因为你不懂。
不说是因为你不会感受到那种同样的痛，　
不说是因为最终，　错的永远都是我。　

因为你永远都不曾试着了解我。　
从小到大，　你到底了解我多少？
在你眼里， 我永远都是那么糟糕的人 。
你当初又何必把我带来这里？

今后的我，　不会在为别人着了。　

因为好心总不会有好报。　
以后你爱说什么就说什么，　爱作什么就作什么吧。　
因为累了，　因为伤透了，　所以我已不在乎了。　

Hold On to Strength.

A very nice oldies that relates very much to couples who have walked several miles and years together.
Till hairs turned grey and all became too feeble to walk.
Obstacles that were gone through and happiness that were shared, within the two.

Makes me have a fetish over how I will look like say 40 to 50 years from now, how me and my husband-to-be will have gone through the many things together and yet still as loving, still holding hands together.

And this song makes me real touched, with the presence of grandpa in mind again.
I do not know why.
But everytime when I needed some strength to move on, I never fail to think of the one I respected the most in my entire life.
So what if he doesnt remember me anymore, so what if we are now worlds apart?
I know, somewhere, somehow, you know, I really miss you so much. :)

Becoming Wiser.

＂虚情假意的人可能可以在短时间内取得胜利，

但他们仍然很可悲。

因为裁开面具后的他们是每个人讨厌的对象。

即使在短时间内获得一切，到了最后，

由始至终他们还是没有得到真实的友情，

真实的心，

永永远远都是独自一人。＂

"Sometimes, giving up is easier than constantly trying only to the same outcome over and over again. It's not that you are a loser, but it's because you have sort out your thoughts and for once, think for yourself and do what is best for yourself."

真的累了。。。

有些人， 永远都会不择手段， 总是只会伤害别人。
有些事， 永远都不可能解决， 让牵连的人好疲惫。

走到这里就够了。
每天， 都不断地告诉自己要坚强， 要勇敢。
因为没人了解， 所以只好把疲惫的心情收拾好， 不让在乎的人看穿。
因为还想为了自己， 为了身边爱我和重视我的人， 所以还想勇敢的撑下去。

白天就和奸人征战，夜深冷静的时候就收拾好无谓的心情，找回自我， 找回需要的力量。

但到了生死关头， 我仍然输了。
不是输在对付不了奸人， 而是输给了自己。
因为再也不想努力了， 再也不想斗争了。
因为真的累了， 不想再玩这种没有结果的游戏了。

可不以可就停下来， 一下下就好， 一下下就够了。。。

The Reciprocal.

Dollierr Diannee ‏@diannatsl 

＂只要扮演好你的角色，你一定会是主角，不是配角。＂

Dollierr Diannee ‏@diannatsl 

很多时候，有些事你总该放下，有些人你必须遗忘，就像回到当初陌生人的阶段，互不相干。

Dollierr Diannee ‏@diannatsl 

每当我想放下一切，总会有好事发生，让我不知如何做决定。可能有些事是注定的

Dollierr Diannee ‏@diannatsl 

Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go - Herman Hesse

I'm done with the drama mama of my remaining days in year 2012.
Can't wait for 2013 to come by if ever will the world still be around after 21st December 2012.

Everything that I have gone through have made me become stronger, wiser and more adaptive. 

Life is about reciprocating to each another.
' Do Unto Others What You Want Others to Do Unto You'. 

Whatever they have done to me, I will return double the impact to them.
If you think this means revenge literally, then you are wrong.
Because what I''m gonna do will not inflict any physical wounds to them.
What I'm gonna do may only result in mental torture as and when they start to think about it.

I want them to know that I have feelings too.
I want them to know how unhappy I have been these few months because of what they did.
I want them to go through the same pain and be in my shoes, to know that they shouldnt have treated me that way.

By saying so, it means, i'm gonna live a better life.
A better life than them to prove to them that I can survive even if they go round disrupting my ever well-planned life.
A better life than them to show that karma exist and they can never live their life way better without a conscience of guilt.
A better life than them to thank them for making me who I am today.

The best thing that happened in my life is losing two unworthy friends and not treating them the same way as before.
Without them, I live life so much happier. 

So, why not, just forget, move on and stay happy?
Life revolves around you and your loved ones, not around those who screw up your life. 

Credits: Tumblr

The Race.

With a pair of good shoes, you run.
As fast as you can, as far as you wish. 

My race has come to a stop-point.
After so much debates about how to pace, when to breathe and where to stop,
I finally made a firm decision to go somewhere further, to see the sun rise. 

May good luck fall upon me where I can get to see the sunrise from the direction where I stopped by. 

The After-Play of Emotions.

Emotions, something that can be tamed, something that can be so fragile.
Sometimes, your emotions take over your mind and you act impulsive.
Sometimes you managed to control those mountains of emotions and let the day go by.
Till the very next day when you are awake, you find yourself struggling with the many different emotions within again.

You know what, life sucks.
Because there are so many things that kept you worrying, so many things that made those brows of yours frown and so many things that you wanted to forget and let go umpteen times but the emotions play you so hard that it just kept coming back. 

How did they manage to change so much, play you out and turned devil on you? 

No reason, no explanation, no words said. 

They just leave you hanging like you never meant a shit to them at all or before,
and what's the most fucked up is they make it look so easy and moved on. 

No one ever taught me the reality of life.
At the age, too young, I was just thrown into the realistic world to walk barefoot, myself. 

Not even a chance to learn how to crawl, and I was forced to stand up straight and walk the journey on my own. 

I've always thought I could bother less, come back stronger and control those attacking emotions well.
But eventually, the sight of everything just disgust me big time. 

Knowing how you need to succumb to the situation,
Surrounded by a world of fakeness and blinded by darkness,
I don't know how long I can have the drive, have the energy and the strength to survive on. 

The aftermath of repeated attacks. 

Quiet Time Alone.

"Sometimes, what we need is some quiet time alone, to bring back the once livelier person in you." 

And me?
I spent the few hours alone, walking aimlessly,
trying to fit a good reason why I felt that way and what has impacted me so much. 

Eventually, answers don't come appearing vividly.
All I know is somewhere, somehow, hurts that bad. 

My therapy of spending time, alone. 

Free Yourself.

I'm done with all the dramas of my life.
I'm sick of the recurring episodes that play non-stop like a cassette tape where the films go haywire and can never be repaired anymore. 
See me as a loser, an incompetent chap or whatsoever.
Thats's it, I'm sick of those emotions attack and 24/7 observations. 

I'll call the day off, I'm freeing myself.
Goodbye. 

Trust.

Trust is like an eraser. It gets smaller & smaller after every mistakes made. 

Something that is so fragile and gets toppled easily. 

Credits: Tumblr.

Fall & Stand Up Again.

"Life comprises of ups & downs."
And when you get too depressed when things have fallen apart, don't get too grieved for far too long.
Because those who truly care will worry and those who have hurt you will feel you as a straight loser.
They can't wait to see how hurt you will be and how devastated you will become. 

And if you continue living in the world of being hopeless and get drowned by those unnecessary emotions,
 it will only give them an opportunity to move on further than you . 

It will only make you look like a fool, a clown whom totally amuse them in the wrong manner.

So what if it all started with a bond, a relation, a friendship?
The moment when people have chosen to take a path which you least expect, and backstabbed you,
you should have known that such a person was just living in his/her world of facade,
treating every individual with only nothing but fakeness.
They masked themselves infront of others to first gain some care and concern and,
later on, when they have found new counterparts to depend on,
they use those mean tactics against you to show you their true colours. 

The moment when things turned awkward and ugly, was the time when I tell myself,
Such a jerk ain't worth it to be my friend. 

Indeed I was grieved over the matter because he was a person whom I trusted, knew long enough than any others, and see as a good friend to-be. 

I don't deny it affected me not only a little, but much to the extent I have wanted to do something more just to make myself appeased.

Confrontations are what I have always believe in.
I never liked the idea of people talking behind each other back because if I was the victim,
I would opt for confrontation.
If you have a problem with me, or any areas that you may have felt dismay with me,
Confront me face-to-face, come straight to the point and just comment infront of me, not behind my back.

Cowards like them did not dare to do so and upon confronting them myself,
all they could say was remarks that eventually made them pathetic people. 

I am the sort who will become very affected when something related to me happened,
Because I have a heart unless those who didn't have one that is purely made of authenticity. 

But then again, after being affected, I am the sort who can still stand up strong, not pretending that nothing has happened like what they are doing now but become a stronger me to do the right things.

I am not gonna pretend that nothing has happened.
Neither Am I going to forgive and forget.
What has happened has allowed me to see through the real side of them all. 

I don't really bother if it's a joint affair or whoever else are involved as accomplices.
So long I do my duties well enough,
I will outshine these jerks in terms of a better attitude, a better character and a better future. 

And if you ever think that time can heal the wound in me,
And I will probably treat you both better someday,
Then you both gotta be so wrong.
Because that will never ever happen. 

I've always believed that karma exists.
For such people who have hurt me, watch your back.
Because heaven knows it all. 

And thank you for making me come back, far stronger than before.

And don't you regret one day for what I am today because all your single actions shaped the outcome of what it gonna be for the rest of your life. 

 - Credits to Tumblr. 

人生的路。

人生的路总是断断续续， 有的时候一帆风顺，有的时候风暴连连，很难预测何时是平静的大海，何时是大风大浪。

因为人生不会提任何人着想，所以它永远都那么冷酷无情， 让你自己去找解决方案。
即使选错了方向，迷失了路，别人的人生也不会有所改变。
人生常常蒙蔽他人的眼， 看不见被伤透的心，听不见有口难言的心声。

或许你努力过了，或许你很幸苦，又或许你已到了极限，累了，也不会有所改变。
只是一个普通的人， 却令人要求的要像超人。
明明有血有肉，他人却认为她一定不会痛不会累。

如果有更多的时间，她宁愿花在身边的人。
如果有更多的金钱，她宁愿花点小钱在别人身上。
如果有更多的体力，你们要的陪伴，都无所谓。

为什么就算再努力也没人看见？
为什么痛的时候却要含着泪水，静静的走到没人的地方才大声地哭泣？
为什么没人了解一个人看守那么多人的心情会是如何？

会有那么一天，她会悄悄地离去。
不会再带给任何人困扰，不会再有人因她而感到厌倦，疲惫。　

对再世的人，她是一个负担。
对过世的人，她只是岑经的回忆。　

7/7/2012,
不被他人为傲的人上。

Distance.

Oblivious distance in years to come. 

Cling becomes looser. 

Words & explanations lesser. 

Shatters pierced & lubricant can no longer aid a smoother process. 

What have the us become? 

The sight of such people disgust & pollutes the vicinity. 

The thought of not being just the two in the faraway spoiled the bonding. 

They were much more important, years have passed, didn't you know it all along? 

They were always the reason of so many disputes, why didn't you wait till now to digest that they have always been over you? 

TGIF, you are such an unfamiliar thing to me. 

Friday always sucks big time. 

The story of the recurring pain.

All you did was to give a few prickly verbal words and the pain reacted once more. 

Pondering over the matter, being not attentive to papers infront of me and later causing sleepless moments. 

You never failed to enchant me with your love, care and concern but it always turns out another way eventually. 

I was, never a grown-up in your eyes. 

Truth it, I was already one since I was so much younger. 

Where girls were dressing up their barbie dolls, and embracing the fun with the other kids from next door, I was sitting in a corner of my room, thinking of a major decision to make if the worst was to happen. 

At that age, you challenged me to be more matured than what I should be. 

I never lament, never once. 

While the next-door kids only concentrate on studying, I have had more than a commitment, to study and to work. Tedious may it seemed, tiring as it is, I never once lamented. 

Days passed, troubles came. 

All of you went unreasonable and things turned out to be at its ugliest side. 

It's been a year and nothing seemed to heal, no improvements were seen. 

All of you got it over, leaving awkwardness for me and I can no longer find back the right position to do a simple visit. 

But I never once lament, did I? 

Things that were kept in the dark because you never once learnt to understand our inner feelings, opinions, thoughts and views. Instead of searching for possible reasons, we got reprimanded for only disclosing after all the happenings of the events. 

If accidents were to happen, they will happen. 

If death was meant to round the corner, nothing can be done to be avoided. 

Don't you understand? 

Everything is predestined. 

You don't have to worry, you don't have to try and persuade to back-off, because what will happen, will definitely happen. 

Brings back to 'Sometimes I Wonder'. 

Don't blame me because you were the one who resulted in me. 

If the clock could turn back, I would rather you choose to abandon me. 

At least, I will definitely be much happier than who I am today. 

You wouldn't know how much it hurts inside. 

You wouldn't be able to see how much grief I have, building up. 

- The Story Of The Recurring Pain - 

---

Mid-Week.

It's gonna be mid-week tomorrow and I have no more oil to burn, no more strength to move and no more cells to think.

It's gonna be exams next week and I have yet to revise on anything except one chapter.

OH GOD! SOS PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Been far too long since I cried. 

I wished I still remember how to, how to just let go and burst out the cries in me. 

Yet so suppressed within now, I can only bottle those feelings and pile them up like a mountain. 

I don't know when it will explode and cause a wreck that is difficult to cease. 

I don't know where I can find the extra strength to put myself into a piece again. 

I feel like everything's falling apart and I have no clue as to when the shelter's will be gone and I will be all drenched by the upcoming downpour. 

I feel tired, so tired physically and mentally. 

What have we all been fighting so hard for? 

---

A Girl, Not A Woman.

Explaining or commenting too much eventually leads to no outcomes.
So I chose to stop blabbering and keep all feelings within to myself.
I will no longer say a single shit because it doesn't make a difference anyway.
It will only get things worse.

Am too tired for such nonsense and I don't even know how to put it across anymore.

You just didn't understand.
I am like any other girls.
So what if I am strong and independent on the outside?
All I ever wanted was you to look at me as a girl, not a woman.

I am not fine when I said I was.
I struggle to handle many things even though I expressed it such that I am able to settle everything on my own.
Just when all actions of yours matter, you disappoint me the most.

Treat it as I do not need the attention, love, care or concern.
Continue to just treat me like a superwoman needless of any of the aforesaid.
Whatever it is, it always results back to me, it's always my fault, it's always me trying to be ridiculous when you don't even know how it feels being so alone and feel used only when you needed me.

I mentioned I won't say anymore, so I will not and never will..

Blossoms.

"Life is but that of a flower.

During the peaks of life, every single things blossoms. 

Yet at downtime of life, everything withers.

Love is but that of a rose. 

During courtship, love is as romantic as a rose. 

Upon the attack of problems, love starts to hurt like the prick of the thorns. "