Sometimes I Wonder...

The many wonders in life that you couldn't resist pondering over. 

Sometimes I wonder, what if I was somebody else's daughter? 

Would I be happier?

Sometimes I wonder, what if I was the only child in the family?
Would I be lonely?

Sometimes I wonder, what if I was a male?
Would I be the decent type or the rebellious one?

Sometimes I wonder, what if I was never born into this world?
Where then would I be and what will I be?

Sometimes I wonder, if I had not said certain things at certain point in time, will things be different? 

Perhaps sometimes, I failed to see certain aspects in a different angle, a different perspective.
Perhaps sometimes, I have paced my life journey too fast to even reach out for those who were left behind.
Or Perhaps sometimes, I just think I must be so lousy and incorrigible to have let some happenings occur throughout the entire life. 

Sometimes I wished others would stop seeing me as strong and view it in a sense that I have a weaker side of me and I am as vulnerable as any other women because I too have a heart in me, I too am a human being.
Sometimes I wished I could stop those facades or pretence to be happy infront of others when I am actually not at all happier. 

Thinking back, I just wanted to prove to them I was happier.
Have all grown up such that it no longer matters as much as before.

But now, I just don't know.
Don't know how to make the current happier.
Don't know how to remedy gaps and stitch them in a linear straight line.
Don't know how to understand others and don't know how to make you understand me. 

All that I ever wanted was just something so simple, yet so unattainable. 

Lately, I have not been very happy with myself either. 

"The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal."