I Am Who I Am.

I am who I am, not who you asked me to be, not who one may be able to control and not who may have split personalities that are hidden.

I say what I think it is, I feel how I think.

I can never be like some others who can just fake their way through with people they don't fancy.
I understand that in the corporate world, everyone just need to pretend to be nice sometimes. But that is something I just fail to force myself to do.
People who know me know that if I like you, I talk big time with you and hang out with you sincerely.
If I don't like you, you can never make me talk to you or pretend like we are best friends.
And when I don't fancy someone, it's pretty difficult for me to change my opinion of that someone and I can never make myself like that someone in my entire life.

Yes, I am super stubborn.
Be it due to family genes or just personality, I know I can be super stubborn at times.
As much as that hinders, I call it my own principles.
There are some things that just cannot be accepted because it has already violated my beliefs, rights and principles.

When I'm nice, I am indeed very nice.
When I'm nasty, I'm super incorrigible, unapproachable and no one will dare to pluck that courage to come near me.
Yes, I have a fiery temper and I know it's hard to change especially when it's something inborn or jeopardized by the stresses caused with the many commitments.

My real self is someone who doesn't very much like to speak, rattle or blabber.
I am extremely quiet when I am being my real self.
I don't like to mingle around like those outgoing people who can just talk to anyone even if the other party is someone they don't really know.
That is why the first impression of people on me is always: "This girl very dao leh, very unapproachable."
But being alone in my uni without familiar faces forced me to mingle.
Getting on into adult life and working life forced me to have an outspoken side of me.

I don't have a sweet tooth, so I dislike sweet desserts and instead of normal milk chocolate, I prefer the not-your-buddy dark chocolate.

I am not difficult to get along with.
If you don't make things difficult for me, I will definitely treat you as kind.
I am not unreasonable, but if you so happened to step on my toes, I will definitely not be nice because of my foul temper and the very fact that I have a strong defense over myself due to some past experiences.

I dislike people to talk behind my back, if you must, confront me.

Like a girl, I adore all the pretty, flowerly, girly stuffs and I can never resist shopping.

I have several nicknames that loved ones call me by:

Close friends call me Nana, Dee, Dianne, Barbie Doll, Sweetie, Ah Shi and Dia.
Family members call me ah girl, girl, young girl, mei and Shi Li.

Friends and family members are always my top priority.
Some close friends know that when things happen, I am just a call or sms away.
There are many circumstances whereby I even pop by at their place within an hour after they called me.
I hate it when people bully my friends and family and I will always stand up for them because they meant tons load to me.

People may change as the years go by.
Throughout my entire 22years on earth, I too have changed quite a fair bit.

But something that hasn't changed is the ability I have to observe people and see through their characters (that's why you realised, I can never be friends with some people because their characters clashed with mine), I am still as independent (you can put me alone to die, and I will somehow still survive) and I still live by my strong principles.

So I am who I am, someone whom you cannot changed without me realizing the moral out of it.
I am who I am, the limited edition on earth.
I am who I am, and there are no one else identical to me.

If you remember, my Lao Ma / Ah Chor / Great-grandmother passed away. 

Have been busy attending the wake for the past few nights till late night and simply have no time to commit to my projects and outstanding work.
Today was the last day of her funeral.
Woke up at 7am and reached the funeral before 9am.
The band came and they played really well and it's always the songs that play feelings out.

Great-Grandma had a super supra grand funeral.
She had a combination of activities from different religion everyday.
The first day was a christian form of funeral plan. (Because the family members who lived with her were christians to begin with)
The second day was a Teochew form of funeral plan. (Which was what Lao Ma had requested before her death)
The third day was a Hokkien form of funeral plan. (As Lao Ma is Hokkien).
Today, on her last day, came the western kinda band and the chinese teochew style with the two big dolls. 

Went to Mandai Crematorium at around 12plus noon for her cremation at 1pm.
May she rest in peace and live with grandma in her big big house happily ever after.

Farewell Lao Ma.... 

原来就算不亲，也还是会难过。
原来人其实很脆弱。
一旦心和脉搏停止跳动， 人就这样一了百了， 一走了之。
从此不再属于人该生活的世界。 

从此让留下的人永远挂念。

再怎么坚强，有一天还是会倒下。

原来就算不怎么相逢，也还是会好难过，好难过。。。

Goodbye Lao Ma.

Just received a call from mum to say that Lao Ma has left us.

To be frank, I am not at all close to Lao Ma because of many reasons within their family that makes it real complicated.

As a child, we only follow the norms and instructions given by the parents.
I have never once visited Lao Ma during occasions like chinese new year, her birthday or what so ever.
When I was much younger, I don't even know I have a Lao Ma.
Good to show how distant we were.

The one I'm talking about is my paternal side Lao Ma.
Mummy mentioned before that maternal side Lao Ma left us the very moment when I was born.

To be honest, I felt nothing for Lao Ma's loss.
It's more of like hating the sights of funeral because it will remind me of so many unhappiness that I wished someone could just throw an iron mould over my head so that I could have memory loss.
It's more of like knowing the fact that sudden deaths can happen and makes me wanna think what can I do to make my loved ones happier.
It's more of a trigger to think about what if one day, my really closed and loved ones were to leave me out of the blue?

Gonna attend Lao Ma's wake tonight.
Still remembered the last time I saw her was at grandma's funeral that night.
That very night when their family came and wheeled the frail and petite Lao Ma in the wheelchair.
She couldn't recognize anyone, she won't talk to you because she simply don't know you.
But the moment when they wheeled her and helped her up to see grandma who was lying stiff in the coffin, Lao Ma looked at her and tears rolled down her cheek.
As much as she couldn't recognize anyone anymore, somewhere somehow, she still remembers grandma.
That very night when I was moved, that very night when thoughts start to flash through and made me ponder the many things I have never thought of.

Goodbye Lao Ma.
It was an affinity that we have had a relationship.
Though we may be distant, I just hope the best for you in your new world now.
May you rest in peace and find your way to grandma who has always wanted to see you till her last breath.

Me Heart Yogurt!

For those who knew me, they will know how much I resisted the sight of yogurt last time.

I've always thought, "What's so nice about yogurt? Why is everyone going ra-ra over yogurt?" 
To be honest, I tried one scoop very long again and I don't really fancy it.
Probably because it was some weird flavours or it was the original flavour which I don't really adore.

Then again, people do change.
And now, I'm having a sudden liking for yogurts!

I think it started off with me bringing my china colleagues to Serangoon Nex for yogurt at this place call Sogurt which I had the grape, lychee and strawberry in a mix and I really like it! At that juncture, it was like "Since when had yogurt tasted so nice?" Teeheehee!

The Benefits of Yogurt

Yogurt is very good for you! It's full of beneficial active cultures that help prevent bad bacteria from taking up residence in your body. The other benefits of yogurt is that it gives your body valuable nutrients such as calcium, protein, and vitamin B2.

Yogurt can boost your health. Here are some facts about yogurt:

Yogurt bacteria can relieve the symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome.It can also restore the balance of your body's yeast levels, preventing yeast infections. It can help prevent urinary tract infections. Because yogurt is rich in calcium, it can keep your bones strong and prevent osteoporosis.

People who are moderately lactose intolerant can often digest yogurt without a problem. The process of turning milk into yogurt transforms the lactose into lactic acid, which means your body doesn't have to process the sugars in the original milk product.

Even better, yogurt can be eaten in a variety of different ways. You can even make a delicious smoothie with some yogurt and fruits.

Watch That Label!

When you buy yogurt from the grocery store, make sure the label doesn't say "pasteurized." Also, look for "live bacteria" or "live cultures" on the label.

The pasteurizing process kills off the good bacteria, minimizing the health benefits of yogurt. 

Above adapted from: http://www.squidoo.com/health-benefits-of-yogurt

More yogurt stores to try out because I only started with three stores but so far I like Sogurt the best!

Tick ones are the ones I have tried and those with crosses are the ones I have yet to try and I will go try them out someday!

þ Sogurt

þ Frolick

þ Yoguru

ý Yogen Fruz

ý Yigloo Frozen Yogurt

ý Yami Yogurt

ý Berry Lite

ý Sour Milk

ý Gelatij

ý Glacious Yogurt

ý J Co Yogurt

ý OiO Frozen Yogurt

ý Pink Yogurt

ý Red Mango Yogurt

ý Whyogurt

ý Yoghurt Plus

And reason why I am having an affinity with yogurts nowadays is because I am doing a project for International Marketing and the theme set by the unit controller of the school was "Dairy Products". Hence, our group has decided to work on frozen yogurt and we chose Yogen Fruz as the company to look into.

In the midst of doing the project, I began to have closer ties with the once unfamiliar yogurt and I fell in love with it!

So, Stay Healthy with yogurt and Happy Good Friday everyone! J

Shanghai Trip Part 2

• 18 March 2012 - Sunday (Day 2)  
• Woke up for our first breakfast with compliments from hotel. 

Zongfei mentioned to me one day during breakfast that she feels I am very westernized due to the type of food I eat. Haha, every morning, I had Cereal with milk, toast bread, fried eggs and cucumbers to wash the oil away.

It's surprising how china people eat alot but they are still small in size or slim. I think it's due to Cucumbers?
Randomly, you will just find them holding the whole cucumber with the skin and biting it on the streets. 

• Made our way to Qi Pu Lu (七浦路) which is a wholesale place for clothes, bags, accessories, shoes
• Zongfei bought supra many things as it was her first trip to Shanghai, whereas for me, I didn't get as much as my previous trip. 

She was carrying too many plastic bags and both of us had no hands for everything. So I advised her to buy a "China bag" to contain all the barangs barangs. She got a very sweet bag here! 

TA DA! Me and Miss Little Hello Kitty which I got specially for my bestie at work, Swee :) 

It's a unique hello kitty because.............

There is a zip at its bottoms and......

JIANG JIANG~ A face towel hidden inside! Also with kitty prints! 

Heh.. It was my second trip to Shanghai and this time round, I didn't buy as much stuffs.
It was Zongfei's first trip there. That explains why she has the feel of "I want to buy this, this, this and that!"

• Spent almost half the day there and we went back to the hotel to place her many things. 
• Then head out to Yu Yuan Which was actually their famous City God Temple. 

Yu Yuan is actually a sort of garden which you will have to pay an entrance fee to get in and take photos with the beautiful scenaries. I went there last year with my bestie Swee and it was really beautiful. It is a place that they say those olden-days drama were filmed.

Hence, this time round, Zongfei and I didn't pay to go in. We merely just walked the exterior of the Yu Yuan Gardens. 

Entrance of Yu Yuan

Look at this, so many people! It's crazy having to squeeze out from the crowd

All weaved! So gorgeous!

SO MANY TOYS! o.O

• After Yu Yuan, we headed to The Bund! 

Similarly, it was my second visit there but i'm still loving the place alot because the scenary makes you feel like you are in London or some victorian places. 

My favourite pic!

Another of my fav pic!

Zf and I at the Bund

19 March 2012 - Monday (Day 3)   

• As usual, we woke up for breakfast 
• Headed to Exhibition Center at 9plus in the morning
• Went over to the registration center and was abit lost because it wasn't at the usual place like last year anymore. 
• I was surprised when someone actually called me : "Dianna!" at the unfamiliar place. 
• Turned and saw that it was Mac, the exhibitor in-charge. 
• It's been one year and he still recognised me, not bad eh ? 
• So with his help, we got the exhibitor badges which I applied beforehand and took the necessary documents and headed to the booth
• By the time we got our goods from the logistics, and prepared the whole booth, it was already 5pm.
• We then headed to the Thumb Plaza Carrefour to get some drinks and stuffs for the next few days exhibition
• Anson reached Shanghai and we to dine with him for dinner at some Japanese-style restaurant that is famous for its BBQ. 
• After which, we headed back to the hotel for our rest. 

The whole place still undergoing construction

The Japanses Style Restaurant

20 March 2012 - Tuesday (Day 4)   

•  It was the first day of exhibition. 
• Met up with Anson and Zf for breakfast and headed to the Expo. 
• The jam in the morning was atrocious and so we managed to reach only around 9.30am when the exhibition starts at 9.00am
• First day crowd was really great and the location of our booth this time was alot better than last year. Imagine just the first day and I finished one box of my namecards! Thanks to Mac! 

Hello to us in formal!

21 March 2012 - Wednesday (Day 5) 

• Second day of exhibition with booming responses. (I used up the second box of my namecards, DIE!)
• One of our customers come along and we had quite a long bit of discussion
• He gave us each a gift. (I got an Elizabeth Arden perfume which was like ermmms. WOW? He bought each and everyone of us a branded gift - damn generous) 
• Exhibition ended and we all headed for dinner at a korean BBQ restaurant at Thumb Plaza which was really great. 
• Only headed back at 10plus at night and as usual I got to bathe, clear emails and prepare to sleep. 

22 March 2012 - Thursday (Day 6) 

• Was the last day of exhibition and its expected to not have as much crowd as before.
• Packed up stuffs at 3pm and called the logistics in-charge to pick up the goods for shipping back to our factory. 
• Neighbour booth guy came over to apologise to me for some matter which I was damn mad over. 
• So I was like "Whats the point of saying all these when the exhibition has already ended?" 
• Was simply not interested in talking to him and I got teased when he asked for my namecard. 
• Logistics personnel came and we went off to meet the bosses at the hotel. 
• It was raining and 5 of us bravely said that we wanted to walk with the brolly to the nearest train station, instead of hailing a cab because we wanted to gain some experience.  
• And we did it!! (though it was cold and rain was not forgiving) 

Nice hotel lobby

Using this machine to buy the tickets

My second visit to Xin Tian Di at Pu Xi!

We went to the same pub!

Their sausages are really nice!

Live Performance which was really good! KUDOS to the Phillipines 

Beer time! We played many games and ended up drinking more to curb the cold weather! 

So we headed back to hotel only at 11plus at night and the cab that we got onto dumped us at one of the train station cus he didn't know how to go from Pu Xi to Pu Dong. So there we were in the cold and rain trying to hail another cab. Thank god another cab driver knew where our hotel was! 

Reached hotel at 12plus, bathed, and headed to sleep cus I need to catch an 8am morning flight the next day which meant that I must reached Shanghai Pudong airport at 6am and had to leave from the hotel to airport at 5am. 

The last night at the hotel was bad due to nightmares and SPECIAL encounter.

Never wanna think back anymore and so I left for the airport with Auntie waking up to send me off to the hotel lobby. 

Bought a Chanel lipstick for mummy at Shanghai Duty Free, had a cup of coffee that costs ridiculously SGD9.00, did my project using the laptop at freaking 6am in the morning and headed to board the plane at 7.45am.

Eventually, while on the plane, I still called home and deardear because the plane was delayed by 1.5hours.

Alrights, Bye Shanghai! 

 

Sometimes I Wonder...

The many wonders in life that you couldn't resist pondering over. 

Sometimes I wonder, what if I was somebody else's daughter? 

Would I be happier?

Sometimes I wonder, what if I was the only child in the family?
Would I be lonely?

Sometimes I wonder, what if I was a male?
Would I be the decent type or the rebellious one?

Sometimes I wonder, what if I was never born into this world?
Where then would I be and what will I be?

Sometimes I wonder, if I had not said certain things at certain point in time, will things be different? 

Perhaps sometimes, I failed to see certain aspects in a different angle, a different perspective.
Perhaps sometimes, I have paced my life journey too fast to even reach out for those who were left behind.
Or Perhaps sometimes, I just think I must be so lousy and incorrigible to have let some happenings occur throughout the entire life. 

Sometimes I wished others would stop seeing me as strong and view it in a sense that I have a weaker side of me and I am as vulnerable as any other women because I too have a heart in me, I too am a human being.
Sometimes I wished I could stop those facades or pretence to be happy infront of others when I am actually not at all happier. 

Thinking back, I just wanted to prove to them I was happier.
Have all grown up such that it no longer matters as much as before.

But now, I just don't know.
Don't know how to make the current happier.
Don't know how to remedy gaps and stitch them in a linear straight line.
Don't know how to understand others and don't know how to make you understand me. 

All that I ever wanted was just something so simple, yet so unattainable. 

Lately, I have not been very happy with myself either. 

"The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal."